it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
