we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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