i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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