I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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