Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
