Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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