do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
