I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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