She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
