just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
