Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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