Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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