My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
