I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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