I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
