i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
