Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
