after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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