watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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