The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize