How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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