I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Boobs speak an international language.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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