I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
