he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
