I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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