I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
