we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So much rum. So many feels.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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