You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
