Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found your dick twin last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
