I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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