smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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