I heard we made out
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
