i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
