She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
