I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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