Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
