Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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