I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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