When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Where is the hickey?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
