hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
