covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
