Soap is not a condiment
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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