Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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