I'm so fucking centered right now
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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