I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
