It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
