Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
