im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
