can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
