Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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