i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
