making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
