My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
