who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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