o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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