I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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