I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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