With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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