Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
