im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
