I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
