I want to have your abortion
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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