Screwed.edu
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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