is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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