so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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