we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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