Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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