Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
