you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
