When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
