Buhtt sex?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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