you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
